don't you ever get tired of yourself?

what am i doing here at all?
I'm on stand by. watching raindrops full of time fall from the sky outside the window, carrying my life down with them.
i'm trying, really, i just can't help wondering off about, like this.
can't keep my mind from following my dreams, and honestly, this class and the rainbowed komorebi aren't helping.
i should study more, fall back to reality and stay there.
there's no way i'll ever be a writer, or a teacher, or anything really..
i just don't see any future for myself. that's sad, but also rather relieving.
i don't see myself showing my kids doctor who or the beatles..
i don't see myself working and living independently, as a real concept adult.
It's like i've seen my future and somehow forgot the details, so i'm just waiting for the moment, living through time,
utopy free, preassureless and motionless too, if you give it a thought.
just waiting fot the moment when i'm gonna wake up. or fall forever. so sad and irrational, ain't it?
I'm not trying to make a difference, no way. I just want someone to be there for me.